A friend of mine shared this and I wanted to post it here.
"Are We Men A Bunch Of Lying Pricks?" by Jay Wiseman
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sometimes
Sometimes, things don't go how we expect or plan them to go and you know what? That's okay.
When you scene with someone there are so many things that can go wrong that can kill a scene that there isn't a way to describe them all. Sometimes it's a misplaced paddle shot to a tailbone; other times the top or bottom can't get into the right headspace. This time I'm going to focus on the latter.
Last night was a good night. Mostly. Puppet and I were in a good mood, we had recently eaten dinner and were ready to play. So I grab some suspension cuffs, hoist her up, put out my implements of the nights torture and go to work. But something wasn't right. The "fuck that hurt, but in a good way" body language wasn't there nor was that look in her eye. It was just pain. Outright pure, non-erotic pain. I ended the scene, packed up our stuff and went home.
Why you ask? I'm a sadist, but I get nothing out of when when my partner isn't responding to it in a good way. Yeah, I might be a little soft like that, but that's just who I am.
So, what did I learn from this? I learned that sometimes your bottom just might not be in the right headspace for that kind of play. Whether it was hormones, her body not releasing endorphins to get here where she needed to be, or it could have been I didn't do something right. I learned to not take it personally.
Here's how I handled it and maybe this will help you when this happens to your scene. AFTERCARE. Just like it would have been if we finished the scene without a hitch. She felt bad about the situation and was blaming herself, but I believe it was completely out of her control and nothing she could have done would have changed that. We talked about it. I reassured her eveything was okay and let's just say that the night ended very well for the both of us.
When you scene with someone there are so many things that can go wrong that can kill a scene that there isn't a way to describe them all. Sometimes it's a misplaced paddle shot to a tailbone; other times the top or bottom can't get into the right headspace. This time I'm going to focus on the latter.
Last night was a good night. Mostly. Puppet and I were in a good mood, we had recently eaten dinner and were ready to play. So I grab some suspension cuffs, hoist her up, put out my implements of the nights torture and go to work. But something wasn't right. The "fuck that hurt, but in a good way" body language wasn't there nor was that look in her eye. It was just pain. Outright pure, non-erotic pain. I ended the scene, packed up our stuff and went home.
Why you ask? I'm a sadist, but I get nothing out of when when my partner isn't responding to it in a good way. Yeah, I might be a little soft like that, but that's just who I am.
So, what did I learn from this? I learned that sometimes your bottom just might not be in the right headspace for that kind of play. Whether it was hormones, her body not releasing endorphins to get here where she needed to be, or it could have been I didn't do something right. I learned to not take it personally.
Here's how I handled it and maybe this will help you when this happens to your scene. AFTERCARE. Just like it would have been if we finished the scene without a hitch. She felt bad about the situation and was blaming herself, but I believe it was completely out of her control and nothing she could have done would have changed that. We talked about it. I reassured her eveything was okay and let's just say that the night ended very well for the both of us.
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