Someone asked me recently about my sexual orientation so I want to take a few minutes to explain what heteroflexible means to me. I know there is debate on the term and from what I can tell there is no one right answer and usually everyones answer is a little different.
To me, bisexual implies that one is willing to have a sexual and/or romantic relationship equally with both male and female partners. Which I do not think applies to me. I'm very, very picky with the guy's i'm attracted to. Which is why I choose the term herteroflexible.
I'm only attracted to androgenous guys. Or like a friend of mine puts it "girly-boys". To describe them more accurately: small framed, geeky, effimenant, and If they cross dress they look like passable girls.
So, that about explains it and the proverbial cat is out of the bag. I choose the lable heteroflexible because I think it most accurately represents me.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Scrotal Inflation or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Saline
So, to put it bluntly, I had my balls blown up to about the size of a grapefruit this weekend and it was fun. Not necessarily sexually stimulating though. Here's what I learned about saline thanks to the wonderful Laughing_Goddess.
1. It can give boys girl boobs. Which in fact feel and look real.
2. It can give small cupped girls larger boobs.
3. Room temp saline burns like the dickens when it's being injected.
4. An 18g needle going into the scrotum doesn't hurt (at leat to me).
5.it's fun! It's not something I would do all the time, but the novelty of having gigantic balls is very entertaining.
1. It can give boys girl boobs. Which in fact feel and look real.
2. It can give small cupped girls larger boobs.
3. Room temp saline burns like the dickens when it's being injected.
4. An 18g needle going into the scrotum doesn't hurt (at leat to me).
5.it's fun! It's not something I would do all the time, but the novelty of having gigantic balls is very entertaining.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Food for Thought
A friend of mine shared this and I wanted to post it here.
"Are We Men A Bunch Of Lying Pricks?" by Jay Wiseman
"Are We Men A Bunch Of Lying Pricks?" by Jay Wiseman
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sometimes
Sometimes, things don't go how we expect or plan them to go and you know what? That's okay.
When you scene with someone there are so many things that can go wrong that can kill a scene that there isn't a way to describe them all. Sometimes it's a misplaced paddle shot to a tailbone; other times the top or bottom can't get into the right headspace. This time I'm going to focus on the latter.
Last night was a good night. Mostly. Puppet and I were in a good mood, we had recently eaten dinner and were ready to play. So I grab some suspension cuffs, hoist her up, put out my implements of the nights torture and go to work. But something wasn't right. The "fuck that hurt, but in a good way" body language wasn't there nor was that look in her eye. It was just pain. Outright pure, non-erotic pain. I ended the scene, packed up our stuff and went home.
Why you ask? I'm a sadist, but I get nothing out of when when my partner isn't responding to it in a good way. Yeah, I might be a little soft like that, but that's just who I am.
So, what did I learn from this? I learned that sometimes your bottom just might not be in the right headspace for that kind of play. Whether it was hormones, her body not releasing endorphins to get here where she needed to be, or it could have been I didn't do something right. I learned to not take it personally.
Here's how I handled it and maybe this will help you when this happens to your scene. AFTERCARE. Just like it would have been if we finished the scene without a hitch. She felt bad about the situation and was blaming herself, but I believe it was completely out of her control and nothing she could have done would have changed that. We talked about it. I reassured her eveything was okay and let's just say that the night ended very well for the both of us.
When you scene with someone there are so many things that can go wrong that can kill a scene that there isn't a way to describe them all. Sometimes it's a misplaced paddle shot to a tailbone; other times the top or bottom can't get into the right headspace. This time I'm going to focus on the latter.
Last night was a good night. Mostly. Puppet and I were in a good mood, we had recently eaten dinner and were ready to play. So I grab some suspension cuffs, hoist her up, put out my implements of the nights torture and go to work. But something wasn't right. The "fuck that hurt, but in a good way" body language wasn't there nor was that look in her eye. It was just pain. Outright pure, non-erotic pain. I ended the scene, packed up our stuff and went home.
Why you ask? I'm a sadist, but I get nothing out of when when my partner isn't responding to it in a good way. Yeah, I might be a little soft like that, but that's just who I am.
So, what did I learn from this? I learned that sometimes your bottom just might not be in the right headspace for that kind of play. Whether it was hormones, her body not releasing endorphins to get here where she needed to be, or it could have been I didn't do something right. I learned to not take it personally.
Here's how I handled it and maybe this will help you when this happens to your scene. AFTERCARE. Just like it would have been if we finished the scene without a hitch. She felt bad about the situation and was blaming herself, but I believe it was completely out of her control and nothing she could have done would have changed that. We talked about it. I reassured her eveything was okay and let's just say that the night ended very well for the both of us.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Lack of Updates
Sorry for my lack of updates. Things have been hectic lately. Keep checking in I'm planning more posts soon!
Until then enjoy this!
http://youtu.be/KdS6HFQ_LUc
Until then enjoy this!
http://youtu.be/KdS6HFQ_LUc
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
BDSM Toys on a Budget
OK, we all know that BDSM toys can be expensive and usually for a good cause, so let's go over a few things that you probably have laying around the house that you can use right now.
Knives, spoons, forks, spatulas, saran wrap, ice, phallic shaped anything (NOTE: PUT A CONDOM ON IT BEFORE YOU GO STICKING INTO HOLES ALL WILLY-NILLY), cuttings boards that have handles, hair brushes, combs, toothbrush, mint tooth paste, make-up, tweezers, rope, clothespins, duct tape, ruler, yardstick, zip ties, scissors, scarves, chopsticks, mini-blind rods.
That's off the top of my head. Just be creative and I'm sure you can come up with something. Go to "Dollar Stores", Goodwill, Wal-mart, and Home Depot/Lowes. You can make a nice thuddy flogger out of a 50" $3.00 clothsline.
Knives, spoons, forks, spatulas, saran wrap, ice, phallic shaped anything (NOTE: PUT A CONDOM ON IT BEFORE YOU GO STICKING INTO HOLES ALL WILLY-NILLY), cuttings boards that have handles, hair brushes, combs, toothbrush, mint tooth paste, make-up, tweezers, rope, clothespins, duct tape, ruler, yardstick, zip ties, scissors, scarves, chopsticks, mini-blind rods.
That's off the top of my head. Just be creative and I'm sure you can come up with something. Go to "Dollar Stores", Goodwill, Wal-mart, and Home Depot/Lowes. You can make a nice thuddy flogger out of a 50" $3.00 clothsline.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
How To Find Other Kinky People
So you've accepted that your kinky and now you want to find other kinky people to share your kinkiness with. Great! Where to next? You can't go around asking everyone you meet if they're kinky. Well you can, but that's probably not a good idea. The answer is munches.
Munches are where kinky people get together, eat, drink and be merry. They are held at coffee shops, restaurants and bars all over the world. They are come as you are no pressure events and they are usually free with the exception of the cost of your meal and drinks. If you live near a major city I will guarantee that somewhere within 50 miles is at least one munch group.
How do you find munches? The Internet will be your friend in this venture. Personally, I would suggest creating an account on Fetlife and do a search for events near you. Also, you can use the almighty Google and search for your city name munch. I just tested this in my town and found 3 of our groups. Most of the information was outdated, but I was at least able to find information that I could use to find them elsewhere (our local groups stay in touch via Fetlife now).
Also, you can try using dating sites which cater to kinksters; Collar Me and Alt are two major ones. I'm going to be honest here - these sites aren't for me anymore, but if you are already on one of these sites you can always find someone in your area to point you to a munch, but I can't promise they will be willing to help. The last few times I was contacted by someone on these two sites I received message that were to the nature of "omg can i fuk ur wife". Your mileage may vary.
About 9 months ago I went out to my first munch with my wife and it was one of the best thing's we've ever done. We have an amazing group of people in our area. Once again, your mileage may vary, but that was my experience.
Nok
Munches are where kinky people get together, eat, drink and be merry. They are held at coffee shops, restaurants and bars all over the world. They are come as you are no pressure events and they are usually free with the exception of the cost of your meal and drinks. If you live near a major city I will guarantee that somewhere within 50 miles is at least one munch group.
How do you find munches? The Internet will be your friend in this venture. Personally, I would suggest creating an account on Fetlife and do a search for events near you. Also, you can use the almighty Google and search for your city name munch. I just tested this in my town and found 3 of our groups. Most of the information was outdated, but I was at least able to find information that I could use to find them elsewhere (our local groups stay in touch via Fetlife now).
Also, you can try using dating sites which cater to kinksters; Collar Me and Alt are two major ones. I'm going to be honest here - these sites aren't for me anymore, but if you are already on one of these sites you can always find someone in your area to point you to a munch, but I can't promise they will be willing to help. The last few times I was contacted by someone on these two sites I received message that were to the nature of "omg can i fuk ur wife". Your mileage may vary.
About 9 months ago I went out to my first munch with my wife and it was one of the best thing's we've ever done. We have an amazing group of people in our area. Once again, your mileage may vary, but that was my experience.
Nok
Friday, March 25, 2011
SSC VS. RACK
Okay, let's start a proverbial shit storm. This is something that we see and hear about all the time and a lot of new people don't know the difference; hell, I didn't. So first let's go over what these acronyms mean.
SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Easy enough right? Well these two terms start more arguments then whether or not Han Solo fired first (and he did). Here is the issue: both of these are good things and they sound nice. The problem generally arises with SSC about the definitions of safe and sane. What one person says is sane another may call insane. Safe has the same problem. Flesh hook suspension, needle play and edge play are three things that have come under fire for the SSCers and I can understand that. This is where RACK comes into play. If all parties involved know the risks they are taking and all parties involved are consenting adults, no one has the right to tell them not to do something.
SSC and RACK both have their place. SSC has it's place in public dungeons and play spaces where anyone and everyone is welcome. Yes, there are Dungeon Monitors who watch over scenes, but they may not know the players well enough to be able to tell if lines have been crossed. These places need to have clear rules which define what SSC is to them.
However RACK, in my opinion, is better suited in close knit communites and private dungeons. These places know their members and are better able to tell when someone has crossed a line and someone is in immenant danger. No one wants to end a scene with a visit to the ER. RACK spaces don't worry about what is safe and sane because they understand what is safe and sane to one person isn't necessarily safe and sane to another. They trust their members to know what they are doing before play beings. Also, it's perfectly acceptable for a private space to have a list of do's and don'ts even if RACK is their modus operandi.
No matter if the dungeon you are attending is a SSC or RACK space, people are going to get hurt. We beat people with canes, whips, floggers and sometimes even pink boxing gloves. You are going to mis-swing your paddle one day and hit your bottom's tailbone. You are going to wrap that flogger once or twice and catch your bottom somewhere they don't want to be hit. Sometimes you might just hurt your pride and other times you may have to end your scene prematurely, but it's going to happen.
Consensuality is something on which both sides can agree. If what you are doing isn't consensual, no matter where you're playing, you've just committed rape, assault, attempted murder, a combination of the three or more depending on the laws in your area. Hell, in some states what we do is a crime even if both parties are consenting adults.
Well, that's about it and if you couldn't tell, I'm a RACK person. I believe in personal responsibility; all parties involved need to know what they are doing. If they have questions, they should get someone involved that can teach them the right way to use their toys or dungeon equipment.
Nok
SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Easy enough right? Well these two terms start more arguments then whether or not Han Solo fired first (and he did). Here is the issue: both of these are good things and they sound nice. The problem generally arises with SSC about the definitions of safe and sane. What one person says is sane another may call insane. Safe has the same problem. Flesh hook suspension, needle play and edge play are three things that have come under fire for the SSCers and I can understand that. This is where RACK comes into play. If all parties involved know the risks they are taking and all parties involved are consenting adults, no one has the right to tell them not to do something.
SSC and RACK both have their place. SSC has it's place in public dungeons and play spaces where anyone and everyone is welcome. Yes, there are Dungeon Monitors who watch over scenes, but they may not know the players well enough to be able to tell if lines have been crossed. These places need to have clear rules which define what SSC is to them.
However RACK, in my opinion, is better suited in close knit communites and private dungeons. These places know their members and are better able to tell when someone has crossed a line and someone is in immenant danger. No one wants to end a scene with a visit to the ER. RACK spaces don't worry about what is safe and sane because they understand what is safe and sane to one person isn't necessarily safe and sane to another. They trust their members to know what they are doing before play beings. Also, it's perfectly acceptable for a private space to have a list of do's and don'ts even if RACK is their modus operandi.
No matter if the dungeon you are attending is a SSC or RACK space, people are going to get hurt. We beat people with canes, whips, floggers and sometimes even pink boxing gloves. You are going to mis-swing your paddle one day and hit your bottom's tailbone. You are going to wrap that flogger once or twice and catch your bottom somewhere they don't want to be hit. Sometimes you might just hurt your pride and other times you may have to end your scene prematurely, but it's going to happen.
Consensuality is something on which both sides can agree. If what you are doing isn't consensual, no matter where you're playing, you've just committed rape, assault, attempted murder, a combination of the three or more depending on the laws in your area. Hell, in some states what we do is a crime even if both parties are consenting adults.
Well, that's about it and if you couldn't tell, I'm a RACK person. I believe in personal responsibility; all parties involved need to know what they are doing. If they have questions, they should get someone involved that can teach them the right way to use their toys or dungeon equipment.
Nok
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Suggested Readings
Everyone starts somewhere, but sometimes we don't know where to look for the answers to our questions. Here is a list of books for that have a plethora of information for those of you new to BDSM.
- Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
- Sm 101: A Realistic Introduction
- The Loving Dominant
- Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission
- The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance
- The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners
Change
Ya know, BDSM is an incredible journey. I was thinking back to when puppet and I first got together and reread our original contract and I'm astounded on how much we've both changed over the past 8 years. What was just a few kinks and fetishes have grown exponentially. There are things that we tried and didn't like and things that we didn't think we would like and now do regularly.
With us it started out as myself being Dom and her being sub. End of story. No submissive tendencies here, no sir. But as time went on, I got curious and let her top me and found that I enjoyed that too. I don't want to do it all the time, but when the planets align just right, I do like to let that side of me out to play.
For both of us we started out being and wanting to be monogomous and now we are willing to open up to playing with other people. Over time we have forged a relationship where we are able to share everything with one another.
My reason for writing this is to maybe get someone to realize that with time and experiences your wants and needs change. Life is a journey and so is BDSM. There is no right and wrong way. There are no rules set in stone brought down from the mountain top by Master Moses. The ONLY two constants I have found in ANY BDSM relationship which are open and honest communication with your parter and a sense of humor. As long as you have that you are on the right track; everything else will fall into place. Go into it with an open mind and heart and just see where you will end up.
Nok
With us it started out as myself being Dom and her being sub. End of story. No submissive tendencies here, no sir. But as time went on, I got curious and let her top me and found that I enjoyed that too. I don't want to do it all the time, but when the planets align just right, I do like to let that side of me out to play.
For both of us we started out being and wanting to be monogomous and now we are willing to open up to playing with other people. Over time we have forged a relationship where we are able to share everything with one another.
My reason for writing this is to maybe get someone to realize that with time and experiences your wants and needs change. Life is a journey and so is BDSM. There is no right and wrong way. There are no rules set in stone brought down from the mountain top by Master Moses. The ONLY two constants I have found in ANY BDSM relationship which are open and honest communication with your parter and a sense of humor. As long as you have that you are on the right track; everything else will fall into place. Go into it with an open mind and heart and just see where you will end up.
Nok
Who I am and why I'm doing this.
Hello Internet! Thank you for finding my blog I hope that you find the information I present useful. I'm Nok, I've been into BDMS before I even new what it was or how to find other kinky people. So, now 10 or so years later I've finally found my place. I'm married to my 24/7 submissive and I have a son (yes I will be posting about being kinky and a parent).
I try to stay away from labels. Everyone has their own flavor of BDSM. I will cover what common labels and terms generally mean, but I will leave it up to you, gentle reader, to figure out where you stand. I just want to help make your journey a little easier.
Why am I doing this? To learn more about myself and to help new players along in their journey. If my writing positively effects only one person I consider it a success. I want to give simple, concise answers on a wide variety of topics in BDSM and make things clear for people. Granted, not all answers are clear and most are situational; I think they can be presented simply.
This is my first foray into BDSM education in a public forum. I've never held any classes or gave a presentation. I have only my real world experience to share and the knowledge gained from others. So, please join me in this journey of teaching and learning.
Feel free to send questions via email I will try to answer them privately or I may use them as the basis of a blog post. If I want to use your question for the blog I will email you for your permission to do so.
Nok
I try to stay away from labels. Everyone has their own flavor of BDSM. I will cover what common labels and terms generally mean, but I will leave it up to you, gentle reader, to figure out where you stand. I just want to help make your journey a little easier.
Why am I doing this? To learn more about myself and to help new players along in their journey. If my writing positively effects only one person I consider it a success. I want to give simple, concise answers on a wide variety of topics in BDSM and make things clear for people. Granted, not all answers are clear and most are situational; I think they can be presented simply.
This is my first foray into BDSM education in a public forum. I've never held any classes or gave a presentation. I have only my real world experience to share and the knowledge gained from others. So, please join me in this journey of teaching and learning.
Feel free to send questions via email I will try to answer them privately or I may use them as the basis of a blog post. If I want to use your question for the blog I will email you for your permission to do so.
Nok
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